2008 Woodie Awards
Naked News
Jennifer DeMoss
Issue date: 3/12/07 Section: Inside WCC
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Please don't try this on campus. Boise police are clearly disturbed by a case involving a ubiquitous household substance: plastic wrap. Some errant prankster has been stretching lengths of the popular food mummification device across roads, creating "see-through barriers." The crime carries felony penalties if unsuspecting motorists or bikers are injured by the Saran-Wrap bandits. Web site
Toronto police weren't bah-king up the wrong tree when they found a man skinning one of almost 100 sheep carcasses in his downtown home. The cops were tipped off by neighbors who noticed the foul smell of the dead livestock that arrived via dump truck to the man's home. Many details in this case are unknown, including where the sheep came from, why he chose to dispose of them in his residence, and whether or not the sheepskin will go to the manufacturing of uber-expensive boots. Web site
As a budding environmentalist and fellow human being, I feel it is my duty to submit to you a link that will change your life for the better in four to six weeks. Send a letter to the addresses listed in the link below to practically eliminate junk mail. I can't guarantee that it will work, but a girl's gotta dream... Web site
Often people will advertise for a mister or mistress in the classified section, but rarely are they looking for someone to pretend to date them on the side. But a Chinese man has done just that, posting on a popular website that he is looking for a lady to get beaten up by his wife, who found out about his affair. He's willing to pay $400 for every ten minutes his wife wallops the actress portraying his mistress, which is more than I make in a week. Web site
Most people would prefer that their children were born mentally sound, but Rosie Costello had hers fake mental disability in order to collect almost $300,000 in Social Security benefits. Her son, who was 8 when he first began to fake retardation at his mother's request, recently ruined the scheme down when he was shown in a courtroom video, acting far from handicapped. Costello's daughter Marie was also implicated in the scheme but has so far gone missing. Web site
We've come a long way with the war on drugs, but the Scots have come up with an even better plan to stop junkies from committing so much crime: give them free heroin. The president of the Association of Chief Police Officers must have tripping when he announced this brilliant plan to satiate long-term users by giving them the substance that they will beg, borrow and steal for, thereby reducing the Scottish cop workload. Next on his agenda? Using the honor system and letting criminals arrest themselves for crime, which will take another huge load off of the police force. Web site
Toronto police weren't bah-king up the wrong tree when they found a man skinning one of almost 100 sheep carcasses in his downtown home. The cops were tipped off by neighbors who noticed the foul smell of the dead livestock that arrived via dump truck to the man's home. Many details in this case are unknown, including where the sheep came from, why he chose to dispose of them in his residence, and whether or not the sheepskin will go to the manufacturing of uber-expensive boots. Web site
As a budding environmentalist and fellow human being, I feel it is my duty to submit to you a link that will change your life for the better in four to six weeks. Send a letter to the addresses listed in the link below to practically eliminate junk mail. I can't guarantee that it will work, but a girl's gotta dream... Web site
Often people will advertise for a mister or mistress in the classified section, but rarely are they looking for someone to pretend to date them on the side. But a Chinese man has done just that, posting on a popular website that he is looking for a lady to get beaten up by his wife, who found out about his affair. He's willing to pay $400 for every ten minutes his wife wallops the actress portraying his mistress, which is more than I make in a week. Web site
Most people would prefer that their children were born mentally sound, but Rosie Costello had hers fake mental disability in order to collect almost $300,000 in Social Security benefits. Her son, who was 8 when he first began to fake retardation at his mother's request, recently ruined the scheme down when he was shown in a courtroom video, acting far from handicapped. Costello's daughter Marie was also implicated in the scheme but has so far gone missing. Web site
We've come a long way with the war on drugs, but the Scots have come up with an even better plan to stop junkies from committing so much crime: give them free heroin. The president of the Association of Chief Police Officers must have tripping when he announced this brilliant plan to satiate long-term users by giving them the substance that they will beg, borrow and steal for, thereby reducing the Scottish cop workload. Next on his agenda? Using the honor system and letting criminals arrest themselves for crime, which will take another huge load off of the police force. Web site
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