2008 Woodie Awards
Naked News
Jennifer DeMoss
Issue date: 1/29/07 Section: Inside WCC
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Wagyu cattle, originally from Japan, have always been treated better than the average-income human. They listen to classical music, drink purified water, and are regularly massaged. But now they're getting drunk, too. Australian Wagyu ranchers have started pre-marinating their steaks by feeding each cow about a liter of cabernet merlot a day. It is purported to sweeten the beef and improve the color of the flesh. Strangely enough, no one has yet capitalized on the wino meat market. Web site
And now dogs are boozing it up! A pet store owner and Weimeraner-lover in Amsterdam (big surprise) named Terrie Berenden commissioned a brewery to create a non-alcoholic beer made out of malt and beef extract. It's called Kwispelbier, after a Dutch word for tail-wagging. Unlike cattle, the dogs are not for human consumption, so they get the alcohol-free stuff. Web site
Talk about false advertising. People attending the "Porn and Pancakes" lecture at a Wayne County, New York church expecting nudes covered in syrup are going to be sorely disappointed. The church is actually presenting a lecture about porn's impact on society, led by XXX Church. The youth ministers travel around the country presenting lectures on the evils of porn. The only thing people are going to get turned on to at this church is breakfast. Web site
Thanks god for the plethora of naked idiots with which I have been blessed this issue. This particular case comes from the sunny state of Florida. Charles Hilldreth, after attempting to steal a phone from a Verizon employee, stripped down and tried to swim away from his crime in a waterway near Tampa Bay. Marine deputies grabbed him from the water and that's when he pulled his best shark impression and bit one of them. Because attempted robbery just wasn't good enough for this guy. Web site
I hope this never happens to you. An iguana named Mozart in Antwerp, Belgium is having some serious issues. Due to a possible risk of infection in one of his extremities, the poor lizard will soon have to have one of his favorite body parts removed: his penis. A perpetual erection has left the iguana in dire straits, and by the time this reaches print, he may already be a little light in the pants. Luckily, Mozart is endowed beyond every female iguana's wildest dreams - like all male iguanas, Mozart has not one, but two penises. Web site
If you have a sensitive stomach, do not read on. From Cheshire Township, MI comes a story about a mobile home that went to waste, literally, after the health department found 66 feces-covered animals and two people living inside it. Waste materials were up to three inches deep in some parts of the home, and the women, a mother and daughter, were sharing a bed that was also plastered with fecal matter. They slept with heavy clothing on to protect themselves from it. The trailer has been condemned and will probably be destroyed. Web site
And now dogs are boozing it up! A pet store owner and Weimeraner-lover in Amsterdam (big surprise) named Terrie Berenden commissioned a brewery to create a non-alcoholic beer made out of malt and beef extract. It's called Kwispelbier, after a Dutch word for tail-wagging. Unlike cattle, the dogs are not for human consumption, so they get the alcohol-free stuff. Web site
Talk about false advertising. People attending the "Porn and Pancakes" lecture at a Wayne County, New York church expecting nudes covered in syrup are going to be sorely disappointed. The church is actually presenting a lecture about porn's impact on society, led by XXX Church. The youth ministers travel around the country presenting lectures on the evils of porn. The only thing people are going to get turned on to at this church is breakfast. Web site
Thanks god for the plethora of naked idiots with which I have been blessed this issue. This particular case comes from the sunny state of Florida. Charles Hilldreth, after attempting to steal a phone from a Verizon employee, stripped down and tried to swim away from his crime in a waterway near Tampa Bay. Marine deputies grabbed him from the water and that's when he pulled his best shark impression and bit one of them. Because attempted robbery just wasn't good enough for this guy. Web site
I hope this never happens to you. An iguana named Mozart in Antwerp, Belgium is having some serious issues. Due to a possible risk of infection in one of his extremities, the poor lizard will soon have to have one of his favorite body parts removed: his penis. A perpetual erection has left the iguana in dire straits, and by the time this reaches print, he may already be a little light in the pants. Luckily, Mozart is endowed beyond every female iguana's wildest dreams - like all male iguanas, Mozart has not one, but two penises. Web site
If you have a sensitive stomach, do not read on. From Cheshire Township, MI comes a story about a mobile home that went to waste, literally, after the health department found 66 feces-covered animals and two people living inside it. Waste materials were up to three inches deep in some parts of the home, and the women, a mother and daughter, were sharing a bed that was also plastered with fecal matter. They slept with heavy clothing on to protect themselves from it. The trailer has been condemned and will probably be destroyed. Web site
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