2008 Woodie Awards
Naked News
Jennifer DeMoss
Issue date: 1/16/07 Section: Inside WCC
- Page 1 of 1
In a stunning victory that will continue to amaze people for centuries to come, James Wilburg of Franklin, Wisconsin was crowned "World Champion Liar of 2006." In a contest that I could have won with my hands tied behind my back, Wilburg ousted the competition with a snappy one-liner about math skills. Read the winning lies and other charming falsities on the link below. Seriously, it's really funny and I would tell you the jokes but I don't want to ruin the surprise. They're so good you'll tell 'em to your friends and take the credit for 'em. Full story
It may be the end for Ronald Dotson after breaking into a cleaning supply company in order to satisfy his lust for mannequins. Poor Dotson faces a possible life sentence in prison if he is convicted for at least the seventh time for breaking and entering, all for the love of plaster girls. Dotson is described in the article at a rendezvous with three lingerie mannequins in a deserted alleyway. I wonder how much he paid them, and if they spent the money on chips and repairs? Full story
Scalpers come in a veritable rainbow of forms, although not many of them dress like members of the cloth. Erivando Ferrer charged desperate Brazilians almost $300 apiece for tickets to see the Pope on his whirlwind tour across the globe. Using his priest-wear and killer smile, Ferrer fooled his patrons into purchasing the fake tickets, which they believed would give them access to God's right hand man. Strangely enough, Ferrer duped his victims by spending quality time hearing their confessions and holding mass with his false priest credentials. Full story
North Carolina teacher Wendy Beeler is pissed after a student laced her bottled water with acid-and it wasn't the fun kind. 17-year-old Zachary Midgette, whose unfortunate last name obviously drove him to the brink of madness, dropped hydrochloric acid and zinc chloride into Beeler's beverage. She noticed the drink tasted funny and was giving her a rash and was saved by one of her students, who told her not to drink any more. Midgette could be suspended or expelled from school and was arrested on assault charges. Full story
In a bid to rival WCC's Robot Shakespeare, Wow Wee is selling Elvis robots, complete with 1968 Comeback Special black leather. Robot Elvis is reportedly not only a better singer than the real thing, but has also been characterized as, "a gifted actor," and "far less bloated and drug-addicted than the first Elvis." I made most of that up, but robot Elvis really exists and anyone with a spare $349 can buy me a creepy, badly painted Elvis robot that doesn't really look like him for my birthday. Full story
I have a longstanding tradition of inserting at least one instance of nudity in my column. After all, I've set a precedent of reporting to WCC's campus the whereabouts of the latest nude crusaders. Alas, none of the naked nuts really did it for me this week. The nude skiers, the five or so people who eagerly arrive at drive through windows without pants each week, the typical outdoor fornicators: none of them really did anything for me this week. We will return with our regularly scheduled nudity in the next issue of The Voice.
It may be the end for Ronald Dotson after breaking into a cleaning supply company in order to satisfy his lust for mannequins. Poor Dotson faces a possible life sentence in prison if he is convicted for at least the seventh time for breaking and entering, all for the love of plaster girls. Dotson is described in the article at a rendezvous with three lingerie mannequins in a deserted alleyway. I wonder how much he paid them, and if they spent the money on chips and repairs? Full story
Scalpers come in a veritable rainbow of forms, although not many of them dress like members of the cloth. Erivando Ferrer charged desperate Brazilians almost $300 apiece for tickets to see the Pope on his whirlwind tour across the globe. Using his priest-wear and killer smile, Ferrer fooled his patrons into purchasing the fake tickets, which they believed would give them access to God's right hand man. Strangely enough, Ferrer duped his victims by spending quality time hearing their confessions and holding mass with his false priest credentials. Full story
North Carolina teacher Wendy Beeler is pissed after a student laced her bottled water with acid-and it wasn't the fun kind. 17-year-old Zachary Midgette, whose unfortunate last name obviously drove him to the brink of madness, dropped hydrochloric acid and zinc chloride into Beeler's beverage. She noticed the drink tasted funny and was giving her a rash and was saved by one of her students, who told her not to drink any more. Midgette could be suspended or expelled from school and was arrested on assault charges. Full story
In a bid to rival WCC's Robot Shakespeare, Wow Wee is selling Elvis robots, complete with 1968 Comeback Special black leather. Robot Elvis is reportedly not only a better singer than the real thing, but has also been characterized as, "a gifted actor," and "far less bloated and drug-addicted than the first Elvis." I made most of that up, but robot Elvis really exists and anyone with a spare $349 can buy me a creepy, badly painted Elvis robot that doesn't really look like him for my birthday. Full story
I have a longstanding tradition of inserting at least one instance of nudity in my column. After all, I've set a precedent of reporting to WCC's campus the whereabouts of the latest nude crusaders. Alas, none of the naked nuts really did it for me this week. The nude skiers, the five or so people who eagerly arrive at drive through windows without pants each week, the typical outdoor fornicators: none of them really did anything for me this week. We will return with our regularly scheduled nudity in the next issue of The Voice.
Be the first to comment on this story